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life's little things Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the " Last Laugh" journal:

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May 7th, 2009
12:08 am

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just in case you're interested
http://the-unsinkable-melody-m.blogspot.com/

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December 6th, 2007
09:19 am

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Today is prob. the first birthday i have had since i was nine that i am excited about. not because anything special is happening because nothing is. but because when you are healthy and excited about life and your own future then birthdays are not a reminder of everything bad.
that is prob. the healthiest thing i have ever typed in this here journal thingy. Its weird but when i moved down to New Orleans i expected it to save me. That i would be doing so much good that i would feel great about myself. but that didn't happen.I do a lot but non of it in the grand scheme is more important then what everyone else is doing down here. what has changed me is watching people go through this whole process. watching the strength determination and faith it takes. Watching how gracefully they all handle these tests and situations that would kill or drive most to insanity. its all that that made me realize that our problems, our dissatisfaction with life is so unfounded for the most part. whether its chemical or social or just our natural demeanor we need to try harder to apreciate all that we have been given and allowed. coming down here made me feel worse about myself. made me reevaluate my self-image, my goals, my morals,and especially my relationships.Once i did that i found that the things that made me feel negative were less about inbalances and history but more that i had no patience, no graciousness.For all my lifes shortcomings, in the end i am living and healthy and wonderfully privilaged. After all that all i can ask is for the intelligence to handle what is in my control and the patience to deal with what is not.
in the end what i learned this year is that its good to understand yourself. its good to retreat into your head sometimes, but to become so enveloped in yourself that that is all you see is worse then bad( i wold call it a sin if i were religious).I learned that people are the most important things in your live. but that love can not substain a relationship (of any kind). you have to have trust, and honesty. Respect and goofiness, equal participation and a deep concern for one anothers health(even if that means limiting yourself and what you ask of the other).And maybe most importantly a duty to hold those you love accountable and responsible for their actions and decision. these defintions have helped me immensly. in my perception in how i treat others, and how they treat me.. these lessons have made me a better person. thats all one can really ask for isn't it

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October 15th, 2007
11:33 am

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I am taking a hiatus from being who i am.
i like it much better then fretting everyday because everyone in my life has a tendency to fall apart. I can't pick up anymore pieces. not for a while at least and i am tired of hearing things i can't fix because i can't fix them and people never take advise or here undertones anymore.
i think at some point everyone should try being alone. try not caring. its hard. but its worth it.
M

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September 17th, 2007
12:10 pm

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soon i will be in New York. Soon i will be on a subway, drinking shitty coffee, subtly people watching/talking shit.
but that is not yet.
Right now i am at work watching as the minute hand oh so slowly makes it way to one o clock. At that point i will have to go and study for a test in a class i have only gone to once out of 6 times.. *sigh* i have become a terribly unproductive student.
Yesterday i went to a gun show. i held all sorts of heavy wooden and metal objects that could kill so easily that it was a bit frightening. afterwards Paulie and brigid and jane came over along with rosie my new friend. we played taboo. i lost.,
my life is v. simple and drama free. it feels a little bit...weird.
but soon i will be in New York and there drama is as thick as L.A smog. so we shall see.
,

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September 7th, 2007
07:59 am

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Still drunk..
drunk work = not fun
M

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September 5th, 2007
07:58 am

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2 1/2 months really?
its unfair.
to make me give up,
then swoop in last minute
with some endearing line
of apologies and"you're 98% percent of what matters in my life"
its just unfair.
but. you were too late this time.
i will believe it when i see it
and even then my faith in you is riddled
with doubt, and disappointment, and exhaustion.
so doesn't even matter anymore.

I am happy without you
in a good place
and while i still find
i wake early in the morning
and think of what you're doing.
While i was barely able to
not to put your picture on my wall
you are not 98% of what matters or is good in my life.
you barely make it into the statistic anymore.
you are just another once-upon-a-time friend
that appealed to my movie-script ending syndrome.
you are just another person who was everything
and then couldn't live up to my version of friendship

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September 4th, 2007
11:24 am

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Hello Crazy online world.. how long has it been since i have done a proper entry. a long time.. since last i visited this little community seriously i have:
moved twice
gotten a full time job
started a new school
switched roommates
aquired a dog
a car
and a liking for whiskey sours.

all of which have made my life here in NOLA very intense and chaotic and interesting.

i think i am overexerting myself and i should probs slow the pace down a little. but its really hard because i don't want to miss out on anything. work is hard but i love it, school is different but i am leraning to love it, and the night life out here is so insanely crazy i can't help but want to go out. so whats a girl to do? i am sure that in the next week or so i will crash and learn to manage my time a little more wisely.
this is sounding like a really bad gossip girls entry..hmmm...
M

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August 27th, 2007
12:02 pm

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I start school today.

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August 2nd, 2007
01:18 pm

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24 hrs after received.
Oh harry.. i miss reading you already.....

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June 14th, 2007
03:12 pm

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It was a hundred and five degrees yesterday. and humid and grey.
that is the south. everything is slow, everything is beautiful. everything is a fucking oximoron.

its filled with freckled construction workers, and frat boys, and trucks trucks trucks. its filled with the most horrific sights of poverty i have ever seen two blocks aways from the busiest most ritzy palaces.

i think i love it.
i know i love late night talks with our country neighbors and games of kick the can, and a pack of cigs and a bottle of jim beam..
but who knows for how long i guess.
M

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